OUR GUESTBOOK

Monday, February 15, 2010

This is for all the peeps and pups that are asking how we are doing.

Hi, every buddy! Since we lost our dad, on Friday, we have been very, very sad. Penny goes and lays her head on his chair and Poppy, Penny and I (Patches)keep sniffing his chair and his hospital bed. We know it makes our mom even sadder, but we can't help it. We are going to turn our bloggy over to our mom now.

Hi, everyone. It's me, Lana. It hasn't yet been 3 days since I lost my husband and I am NOT okay. Yes, he was ill for a long time and I should feel some sense of relief. Well, I had about 4 hours of some relief when the ambulance took him to the hospice unit at the hospital. When they called to tell me he was gone, all the relief ended.

He actually stopped breathing at about 4:50 a.m. here, at home. I shook him, called his name and tried to sit him up. All that was in vain. I grabbed the phone and called hospice. They said a nurse would be right over. I went back to Stan and raised the head of his bed and he started breathing. The nurse arrived at 5:30 and gave him nebulizer treatments until the ambulance arrived at 10:00. She thought she was going to have to convince me to let him become an in-patient, but in light of the events of the previous day and night, I was happy to have him go to the hospital. He had turned into a 2 year old and I couldn't handle him anymore. I couldn't make him stay in the bed and somehow, he had forgotten that he was sick. He was walking all around the kitchen without his walker and I was afraid he was going to fall and hit his head on the wood floor. At 2:30 in the morning, I heard him rattling dishes in the kitchen, so I got up to find a large container of ice cream melting on the counter, pills in the refrigerator and water ALL over the floor. (At least I'm assuming it was water). I finally got him into the bed and put ABH cream on his arm. It's mixture of Ativan, Benadryl and Haldol that has a very quick calming effect. I sat in the kitchen and watched him until 3:30 and then went back to bed, once he had fallen asleep. I never went back to sleep because I was listening to him breathe through the baby monitor. At 4:45 a.m., I decided I might as well get up. The dogs always bark, like crazy, when I get up because they want to go outside and mostly, they want to EAT. When we got to the back door, Stan tried to get out of the bed and I told him to stay there and I would help him as soon as I got the dogs fed. I fed the dogs and turned around to help him and that's when I found out he wasn't breathing.

I do take some comfort in the fact that he wasn't in any pain because that was his biggest fear. He never became bed-ridden, but his mind reverted back to when he was doing a lot of woodworking. (He kept asking me for screwdrivers and such). Before that happened (a little over 24 hours before he died), he was extremely worried about ME. He knew that once he was gone, I won't get his Social Security check anymore and I, obviously, don't have a job, so I will probably lose the house eventually. Some people have given me names of agencies to contact for help, but right now, I am incapable of making those calls.

I guess the hardest part is knowing that my family is a couple thousand miles away and the only real friend I have, here, is Wendy (Ezzy Rider and Jagger's mom). I have talked to her, on the phone, about 1000 times a day and she is going to the funeral home, with me, this morning. Since Friday, I have just wanted to be alone and I have been force-feeding myself enough to keep going. Even though I knew this was coming, it has been a major shock. Just a week ago, he was doing really well for a man with his illness. I expected to have some time with him being bed-ridden and non-responsive leading up to his death and that didn't happen.

Yes, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and it's the first time in my life that I have lived alone. We had been together for 32 years and I went from living with my parents to living with my husband. Now, if it wasn't for my 3 Aire-girls and Wendy, I would probably REALLY lose it! It does help to know that all of you are praying for us and thinking of us. If you pray, I would ask that you pray for me to have the strength to get through this.

Thank you all for your prayers and comments and a special THANK YOU to Lulu (Bogart Handsome Devil's mama).

Aire-hugs,
Lana (and Poppy, Penny & Patches too)

46 comments:

Gus said...

Yes, we pray. Some days, a lot. Some days, just enough to get us by. We'll certainly put you and the girls on the list.

gussie, muzzer and Teka Toy.

The OP Pack said...

Our thoughts and prayers are still with you. It won't be easy but stay strong and things will improve. Our hearts go out to you.

The OP Pack and Mom

hkairedalespack said...

You and the girls are in our thoughts and prayers. Mommy and I started crying while reading this. It is one of the hardest things in life to go through. Things will get better but very slowly, especially initially.
With great sympathy, Miley and Pat

Fred said...

We are so, so sorry for your loss. You are definitely in our prayers and will remain there. We know how tough it is when you lose someone, so be patient with yourself. Take care.

vix said...

I heard about your tragedy through Joe Stains' blog and am so sorry for your loss. I wish you strength to get through what lies ahead and the knowledge that one day you WILL wake up and feel good again and look forward to what the day brings. It may not be in the immediate future but that day will come someday. Take care of yourself and take comfort in those beautiful pups, and keep us posted on how you are doing.

Rocky Creek Scotties and Java said...

Lana, I only know you through blogging, but I wish I lived closer to you so that I could help out. I haven't lost my husband, but I did go through all of the legalities and grief of loosing my dear Father - you never know how much there is to do until you do it. My thoughts and prayers are continually with you.

xo
Lynn

Maggie and Mitch said...

We think about you every single day and we've never stopped praying for you, Lana! We wish so much that we lived closer to you.
Our hearts ache for you!
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Sue, Maggie and Mitch

Asta said...

Lana

I think of you constantly, I knew that even though your sweet husband had been ill, he was there, and I know your pain and loneliness must be immense. I too went from my parents home to being married..I'm an only child and my parents died a long time ago. When my George became ill with cancer three years ago, I felt like my life was over. I got lucky, and he's still here, but I fear losing him every day. I'm so glad that Wendy is at least close and can be with you at this horrible time. I pray that you have the strength to get through this with her help , the girls, and all our love.
Please try to take care of yourself, even if you don't want to right now.
I wish I lived closer
love
Ami
smoochie kisses to the girls from Asta

Tabatha said...

We are definetly praying for strength for you through this time! We are sending all the love and comfort that we possibly can across to where you are. We are all here to support you, maybe not physically but mentally we are all with you!

Jacks, Narra, Tuchuck, and Rousseau said...

Lana, we wish we lived closer so we could help or do something, anything. Words can't explain how we feel for you and our sorrow for your pain. If prayers are the most we can do for now, we'll definitely do it. Keep thinking of everyone that cares about you and supports you.

Peace--
Rene and the dogs

Audrey the Photographer Dog said...

I'm so sorry to be exploring your blog on such a sad day. My mom lost her dad several years ago to ALS and it was very hard when it happened even though it was inevitable. I hope your girls will help you through this difficult time and that through the darkness you will find the light. It is there. You will be in our thoughts. Sending lots of licks and love.

Mango said...

We will keep our thoughts with you. This is an unimaginable hardship and it sounds like your life has been so difficult for so long. I feel like my words are so small next to the hole in your heart.

Please take care of yourself and stay in touch. I hope that Lulu can help having experienced the loss of her anchor so recently.

Mango Momma

Finni said...

Lana, you are in our thoughts and in our hearts. Like everybody else we wish we lived closer.

I too have been with my partner for 35 years now, and I cannot begin to imagine what it would be like to have to go on without him.

We think about you every day hoping that this immensely difficult situation for you will have a better outcome than you have described might happen.

Sending love your way ...
Elke, Finni & Nelly
xxx

Ginger Jasper said...

You have my prayers and thoughts.. I so hope you find the strength to get through this devastating time.. The emotions will be rushing through your mind like a train. Please take time to get your breath back before deciding anything.. Carol and GJ xx

Snowy and Crystal said...

sorry for your loss :(

Raising Addie said...

We are so sorry for your loss. We will be praying for you.

Lots of Luv & Kisses
Addie, Lucie and Hailey

Noah the Airedale said...

We are so glad you have such a good friend in Wendy, Lana. It's hard not having family around at times like this. Life can be so hard. I couldnt imagine what it would be like without Bryan. Bloody awful.
Take care matie. You are in our thoughts.

Denise & Bryan
Noah Willow Tess Lucy

Hoover said...

Lana,

We know there are no words that can change your situation. Just know that we are thinking of you and we hope that you are able to get through this very hard time.

Thank you for taking the time to stop by our blog. It is a very sad time in the dog blog world right now. We get such joy from reading others blogs and we all need to be there for each other in the sad times too.

Much love from,
Hoover BPD (Battery Powered Dog) & his human

Lorenza said...

Lana.
We pray and think of you everyday.
We know how difficult is everything right now but we are sure you will have the strength to go on.
Kisses and hugs to you and the girls.
Take care
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Khyra's Mom Here...

I appreciate the update -

I've been wondering -

Your FB comment reply to Claudette was telling and so what all of us would feel - you think you are prepared/ready but you are not -

Please count me in among those that wish they were closer to be able to help AND just give you a hug -

Our transport this weekend was for our friends across The Bridge - and I mentioned Wally, Kirby, AND Poppy/Penny/Patches Dad in the video where I talked about who the run was for -

Don't fight the tears and other emotions when they come - let them out -

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra and Phyll

Butchy and Snickers said...

We're still praying for you & your girls. We know this is a very hard time, nothing can ever prepare you for how you will actually feel when these things happen. We're sorry you don't have any family living closer to you. That must be so hard. We wish all of us blogging pals lived in the same city!! Wouldn't that be great?
We hope you can get some needed sleep.
Luv & Wirey Hugs,
Butchy, Linda, Ruby, Sylvester, Scuby & Hootie

Ms. ~K said...

Lana,
I heard of your loss through Phyll(Khyra's mom)...
I wish I knew you, as I live in White County, about 30 minutes north of Cumming. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time.
Sincerely,
Kit

Lacy said...

Hi , i read this this morning and i still dont know what to say...i am so glad u have wendy and the girls to b with u...it doesnt matter if our loved ones has been sick 6days or 2 years, it still hurts like hell when we lose them...and we will never b prepared to say good bye..just remember when it gets to hard, we are standing beside u, with our arms around u, to steady u...i think of u all the time...and this is never ever easy..

peace,
claudette

Dennis the Vizsla said...

I know there's nothing we can do for you except to let you know we're thinking of you. Dennis sends kisses and tail-wags.

Sally said...

Dear Lana - although we have only met through the blogs - like other bloggers I wish we were physically closer. I do not know what to say - I am so sorry for your loss and for the uncertainty of what happens next. If there is anything we can do to help - however small or large please let us know.

In the meantime we send you our prayers and love and Sally and Paddy send licks

Opy - the Original GruffPuppy said...

Sweet Lana,

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

I can't think of anything comforting to say - my heart is breaking for you.

Brooke

Deetz said...

We thought about you all weekend and kept you in our prayers.
Great big kisses to all of you
Deetzy

Jeannie said...

Dear Lana

Our thoughts are with you......in this dark time.

Many sweet hugs to you, just wish we were nearer to help you in some way.

I would cross that ocean in a second if only I could.

Thank you for taking the time to update us. Your friend in Scotland, Jeannie xxxxx and Marvin xxxxx

My heart breaks for you.

Tia, Sitka, and Cornelia Marie said...

Oh my goodness :( We are so sorry to read of this news. You all have been so kind to give us well thoughts and look at what you have going on in your life. We are deeply sorry for your loss and we hope God will give you strength and comfort.
Hugs,
Shelli, Sitka, CM, and Tia

Jake of Florida said...

Dear Lana,

You are in our hearts and we do pray that you have the extraordinary strength to face these first awful days of change.

It's so ironic that we all feel so close virtually, but the miles tell a different story. We wish we could help. And I do hope you can find someone who knows the ins and outs of our social security system to advise you if there is any recourse.

Just know that you have friends all over the world who are with you -- despite geography!

With love,

Joan and the Barkies

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Oh Lana...

Our prayers are with you and we have some comfort knowing that Wendy is there to help you...

It doesn't matter if someone isn't sick at all or if they've been sick for years in terms of grieving. Our minds forget the illness and go back to times before they were sick...and it hurts...unbearably...

You only need to get through one day at a time...and if you can't do a whole day, break it down...into hours or even minutes.

You are strong...very strong...stonger than you even know.

The girls will help you focus...on their needs and thus your needs as you have to care for yourself to care for them.

Whatever you are feeling right now is what your body and mind need to do to grive. And it's hell...

Please know we are here with you...and when you can, make some calls to the estate attorney to find out what you can do to protect your assets.

We love you and are praying for you to have strength....

Marilyn and the kids....

Hollie and Janie said...

There is nothing we can say, no great words to make you feel better, so just know that we love you and the 3 Ps very, very much!! You are in our hearts!!
Love,
Janie and her mama

Agatha and Archie said...

We have been thinking of you constantly.We agree with Marylyn, take one day at a time.and know that all of your blogging family is here for you.....with open arms and hearts.. and lots of love from all the puppies as well....Diana and A+A

Lenny said...

Lana,
Our hearts our heavy and you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Lenny and his mom Kelley

The Brat Pack said...

We're so sad for you, please know we are all here for you no matter what.

Maryann & The Brats

the 4 Bs said...

oh Aire-girls and Lana, we are so sad for you. we don't know what to say, but we want to say or do something to make it all better for you. at least you have a friend to help you out a little bit. we wish you had more support. if we were there, we would send our old bag to help you and make you eat more.

we know it will take a long time for you kiddos to get used to being without your dad/husband. please give each other lots of love and know that we are thinking of you and sending you lots and lots of poodle power and love and licks and fluffs too.

woofs from the 4Bs and our mom, peg

Randi said...

Lana - we are praying & praying & praying for you & your girls...that somehow strength is given to you...& we are sending our love & healing strength...

There are no words that will work...

Only hugs...

Much love,
Randi's mom, Angela

Lacy said...

w00fs, we are thinking of u..

love,
rocky and mama

Randi said...

Just stopped by again to see how you are...

Much love,
Randi's mom, Angela

River said...

We are praying for you and we are like an army of beagles. We will be thinking of you and sending hugs.

love & wags,
River

Baby Rocket Dog and Hootie said...

Dear Lana, We'll keep you in our prayers at this most difficult of times.After being Stan's caregiver for so long you must be in shock. Take time to care for yourself. Eat. Whether you're hungry or not.You'll stay in our thoughts.
X-Cassie & Patrick (BRD & Hootie's mom)

Eric said...

Dearest Lana, You have been in our thoughts and prayers all week and will continue to be so. My heart goes out to you,it's hell I know please look after yourself and let Wendy and your girls give you comfort and help. I'm so sad for you, can feel you pain clearly, so I know you can feel the love and comfort being sent to you depite the miles. Take care Lana.

Love B + Eric xx

Lucia said...

Lana,

My Friday (tomorrow) is free ... can I do anything to help you? Please remember, I'm just 90 minutes or so from you, and it would be no problem at all to drive down and help with whatever you might need -- dinners, errands, dog-sitting, you name it. Please email us at aireluciaATgmailDOTcom if we can do anything.

We keep you in our thoughts and send a prayer your way every day, we promise.

xox
Lucia's 'ragazza'

NORWOOD UNLEASHED said...

I know there are no words to lend comfort to you. You are an incredible woman to provide strength and courage and support to your husband during his illness. Take time to grieve. You have alot of friends here and perhaps if you can't make any phone calls, maybe wendy could conference all an agency/attorney with you to make that first step. You have our deepest sympathy and don't be afraid to accept help for your dog blog pals! Many hugs to you and P3.
Norwood and Debi

dewdana said...

Reading this brings back so much of my experience as caretaker for my mom as she died and my heart breaks for you. Even though it has been over 10 years I understand and vividly recall most all of the feelings you describe. I know there is not much that can be said to ease your pain and now the added loss of Poppy but we offer our thoughts and prayers anyway. I know that alone feeling after you have been caring for someone for so long but hope you know that you are not alone.
Moose's Momma

Koobuss said...

Oh Lana,

You have been through so much. What a strong woman you must be.

We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
Best of luck to you.

Love and Lots of Koobuss Kisses,
Koobie and Mom